The Bible teaches us in the book of Ecclesiastes that there is a time to laugh. We as Christians need to laugh, however these jokes may not leave you laughing but some are pretty good.

How do you prevent a Summer cold ?

Catch it in the Winter !

                    What is the best day of the week to sleep ?

                    Snooze-day !


                    What does one star say to another star when they meet ?

                    Glad to meteor !

Why did the silly kid stand on his head ?

His feet were tired !


        Why did the king go to the dentist ?

        To get his teeth crowned !


Were you long in the hospital ?

No, I was the same size that I am now !


            What button won't you find in a tailors shop ?

            Belly button !


How did the farmer fix his jeans ?

With a cabbage patch !


              What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?

              Ferry tales !


What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive ?

A minnie van !


            Who's there !

            Alaska !

            Alaska who ?

            Alaska my friend the question then !


        Who's there !

        Albee !

        Albee !

        Albee a monkey's uncle !


Why are monsters forgetful ?

Because everything goes in one ear and out the others !


          Why did the monster knit herself three socks ?

            Because she grew another foot !


            What do you say when you meet a two headed monster ?

              Hello hello !


What is the best way to speak to a monster ?

From a long way away !


            What is big, red and prickly, has three eyes and eats rocks ?

               A big, red, prickly three eyed rock eater !


Mrs. monster to Mr. Monster "Try to be nice to my mother when she visits this weekend dear "

   "Fall down when she hits you"!


            Why did the monster walk over the hill ?

             Because it was too much bother to walk under it !


Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas?

Because he has sandy claws !


Why did the turkey cross the road ?

To prove he wasn't chicken


Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road ?

Because he didn't have enough guts


Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema ?

Anywhere it wants to !


Why do dogs bury bones in the ground ?

Because you can't bury them in trees !


How can you tell if you have a stupid dog ?

It chases parked cars !



A: Why do elephants wear blue shoes?

B: Why?

A: So they can hide in blueberry bushes.

B: Oh.

A: Have you ever seen an elephant in a blueberry bush?

B: Well, no.

A: Then it works!!!


What were Tarzans last words?

Who greased the vine??!!


What did the miracle whip say to the fridge door?

Close the door I'm dressing.


Where does a dog go when he loses his tail?

To a re-tailer.


What is a ducks favorite snack?



What did the vampire cook name his son? Spatula.


Q: What has 5 eyes and a mouth?

A: The Mississippi River!


Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.


Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.


Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

A. Ruth-less.


Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.

A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.

A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."


Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson. He brought the house down.


Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out


  Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were

  rained out.


Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A. They were really put out.


Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were


    kicked out?

A. They really raised Cain.


Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived


      in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.


Q. The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let

light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?

A. They used floodlights.


Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?

A. David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.


Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?

A. The thought had never entered his head before.


Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?

A. German Shepherds.


Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?

A. Turn right and go straight.


Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the


A. Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments at once.


Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.


Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?

A. Because in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come to be at ease, but he

    proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck    

and proceeded to smash me."


Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?

A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's's court.


Q. Which Bible character had no parents?

A. Joshua, son of Nun.


Q. Why didn't Noah go fishing?

A. He only had two worms!


Q. How do we know that they played cards in the ark?

A. Because Noah sat on the deck.





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